3 years ago...

Three years ago I remember exactly what I was doing. I was pregnant with Gavin and my c-section was scheduled for August 3rd. I was SO ready to have him. As I stated in my first blog post, being pregnant with him was no easy task. Most of the time, I walked around looking like this:

It was July 26, 2011, and I had a routine OB appointment. Usually Alan goes with me, but I told him there was no reason for him to go. They were going to listen to Gavin's heartbeat, and tell me they'd see me in a week for my c-section. I get to my OB and they check my blood pressure. The nurse looks at me, and says, "Let me get someone else to check, just to make sure I'm right." The second nurse checked it and it was 168/108. Which was even higher than what the first nurse got (her reading was 156/???. I don't think I even went into a room. My OB was standing there, and said, "You're going to the hospital right now." The hospital was 45 minutes away. I am in panic mode. I called Alan, and told him I wasn't sure what was going on, but he *might* want to come just in case. By the time I get to the hospital, my blood pressure was fine. Other lab results didn't look good though. My OB asked if I wanted to go ahead and have my c section today. As I have already said, I HATED being pregnant, so of course, I was like, "OMG YES GET THIS KID OUT OF ME!" It's been three years and that decision still haunts me. I'll explain why in a bit.

At 7:00 pm I was wheeled back to the OR. Gavin was born at 7:35 pm on July 26, 2011. He came out looking like a smurf. Yes, he was blue. I asked if he was okay, and they assured me sometimes that happens. Which I still think is a lie because Keegan didn't come out blue, he was pink, almost red. His story will come in September though. Anyway....Gavin weighed 6 lbs 13 oz and was 18 1/2 inches long. He eventually cried, and I felt so relieved!

While I was being sewn up, Alan took Gavin to the nursery to bathe him, and so the nurses could check him out. I laid in recovery for about 45 minutes, then was wheeled to the room. I was so excited to hold him! Then, the nurse came in and said he desaturated (the level of oxygen in his blood dropped) and they had to "force" him to breathe. Now, desat is common in all babies, BUT most babies can fight it, and it goes back up relatively quickly. Gavin didn't know how to fight it. He couldn't make it go back up, the nurses had to help him recover. I was devastated. The nurse said it was very common in c section babies, and not to worry. Um...worrying is what I do best! She did wheel him in, and I got to hold him about 30 seconds, then he went to the NICU. I woke up the next morning, and Alan tried to prepare me for what I was about to see. Apparently he had desaturated pretty low over night (in the 50's) so they put him on oxygen.

 

I looked at him, and instantly started crying. He looked so pitiful. Then, his nurse came up to me and said the words I'll never forget. "This baby isn't a 38 weeker. He is only 36 weeks." My original due date was August 20th. They kept moving it up because he was measuring big. So my due date was 2 weeks off. Had I not wanted him out so badly, and just waited one more week, he would have been okay. I still, to this day, regret having him early. I trusted the doctors though. They assured me I was 38 weeks, and that Gavin was strong enough. I brought up my original due date, and they told me my dates must have been off. Plus I was just tired of being pregnant, so I said, "Just take him. Let's do this." So, as I sat there staring at this lifeless little baby, extreme guilt hits me. 

 Every time he dsats, that was 5 more days he had to stay in the NICU. He did great for 2 days, no issues. Then he had an "episode" (that is what they called it). I remember walking in the NICU thinking that we could go home in a few days. Nope. 5 more days. Leaving that hospital without him in my arms was the worst feeling ever. We stayed at a hospitality house nearby, and I visited him every 4 hours. Yes, I was even there at midnight and 4 am. I didn't sleep, couldn't eat, and I hated leaving him. It about killed me!

 We are now on day 7 in the NICU. He hadn't had any dsat issues, and I felt positive that he would come home that day. I walked in the NICU, happy, upbeat, ready to FINALLY take my baby home. Nope. The nurse was standing beside him when I walked in. As soon as I saw her face I knew something was wrong. I looked at her and said, "Oh no he desaturated again, didn't he?" No, he hadn't, but it was something much more serious. The nurse said, he is having bloody stools. We think he is bleeding internally. We are waiting on lab work. I almost lost it. Honestly, after she said this, I don't remember a lot of what happened. It's just a blur. I do remember the test results coming back, and he was NOT bleeding internally, and it was more than likely just an anal fissure. They still wanted to keep him a couple days just to make sure though. 

Finally, nine days later, Gavin got to come home! 

 

It's been a fun, wild, silly, emotional 3 years, but I have loved every minute of it. Gavin makes me laugh daily, and his hugs and kisses melt my heart. I am so thankful God blessed me with this amazing little boy!

Happy 3rd Birthday Gavin Brooks Foster! We love you to the moon and back.