Thursday, July 24, 2014

Sometimes I hate dreams.

For about a year, I occasionally have dreams where Gavin learns to talk. They always get to me. Last night I had another dream about Gavin talking. This dream shook me a little bit. It started off as my "normal" Gavin talking dream. I would say something, and he would repeat it. Then, it turned into, out of the blue he said, "I'm hungry." In the dream, I fell to the floor crying. I was so happy he had talked! Something different happened next. I said, "Gavin, I love you." He said, "I love you." Actually he said it several times. I woke up, and felt such an intense emotion of sadness. Why? Why did I have to dream that? Out of everything I want him to say, "I love you" is the most important to me. I can't remember what his voice sounded like, but I do remember thinking (in my dream) he had the cutest little voice.

I am trying my hardest to look at the positive. Even though it was a dream, and I can't remember what he sounded like, I do remember him saying he loved me. Maybe this was God's way of telling me even though he can't say it yet, he does love you. Or maybe it was his way of saying he isn't ready to talk right now, but you will hear it one day. I just have to have faith.

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