Thursday, July 31, 2014

Exciting Day!

I promised myself I would blog everyday. Today has been such an exciting day. We went to Walmart. Yep, that was the highlight of my day. I bet you're kicking yourself for wasting your time reading this stupid post. A lot of stuff happened yesterday, but I'm still processing it. Let's just say, I'm trying to find Gavin a new doctor, and it isn't going well.

Today was boring, but sometimes that is a good thing. Some days my life is complete chaos, so boring days are okay.

I've had a few friend requests on FB, and I have no clue who these people are. If you send me a friend request, please let me know you read my blog. Otherwise, I'm going to think you're a crazy stalker. LOL Not really, but I won't accept it. I am sure after this EXCITING post, my FB will be blowing up with requests.

To make this a little less painful, here is a video of Keegan (10 months) walking. Each day he gets better at it.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Peace and Calming and Vetiver

I almost hate to post this because I will probably jinx myself, but here we go. I ordered some essential oil online. I ordered several (that are suppose to help with autism symptoms) and they just so happened to arrive today. Gavin was bouncing around the house, going wild, like usual. I put a little Peace and Calming oil on one foot, and Vetiver on the other. When I mean a little, I mean a TINY amount. That stuff is very strong! 

Peace and Calming promotes relaxation and may calm over-active, hard to deal with children. It also might reduce depression, anxiety, stress, and insomnia.Vetiver helps quiet overactive, exhausted, or stressed minds. It helps control anger, irritability, and neurotic behaviors.  Twenty minutes later (maybe less than that) this is what he looked like:


Now, it could have just been the fact that he had just had lunch, his belly was full, and he decided he was sleepy. Or the oil could have helped. I honestly don't know. You are suppose to apply it 2-3 times a day. I also bought some Lavender and Cedarwood. Lavender, of course, can cause a calming effect, aiding in sleep. Cedarwood also helps with sleep. If your child sleeps well, they have a clear mind and can focus better during the day. I am going to try those two before bed tonight.

Maybe I am crazy for trying all this, but I will try (almost) ANYTHING that could possibly help Gavin. It might not help him, and that's okay. That is one reason I bought it online, it's cheaper. If it doesn't work I'm not out of a ton of money. If it works, GREAT. I have to give it a shot, though.


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Mommy Day!

Today was Mommy Day. What is mommy day, you might ask? Mommy day is me with no children, all day. Like I have said a million times, I LOVE my boys more than anything, but everyone needs a break. It was nice to spend time with a friend, and not have to worry about changing diapers, feeding, calming down two whiny kids, hauling them in and out everywhere we I went. I am sure that sounds horrible, I don't mean for it to. It was just nice to have a change. It seems like everyday I do the exact same thing, over and over, all day and all night. Which is GREAT for Gavin because he needs that structure, but not so great for me.

Lee did my hair for me. Not going to lie, I am very picky about my hair, and when someone new does it, it makes me nervous (although I do trust him 100%, just the fact he had never done my hair before worried me). I don't post a lot of pictures of myself, but my hair is a hot mess. It starts off curly, then when I walk outside it gets wavy, an hour later, it's just a big fluffy mess. Which didn't take Lee long to realize. I *think* he might have even used the words "hot mess". He highlighted it and cut it.

 When he was finished, he let me look at it. I looked in the mirror, turned around and looked at him, and said (with such a serious face), "Oh, Lee. I hate it. I don't like it at all." I wish I had my phone on me to take a picture of his face. It was this look of panic. Then I started laughing, and told him I was kidding. I absolutely love it!

Thank you, KDSC Lee for taming my "hot mess" hair. :)


I think I mentioned in a previous post that my friend, Courtney took some pictures of us. You know I HATE pics, but they turned out so good. I am so thankful to have Courtney in my life. 






 

Monday, July 28, 2014

To: EVERYONE


Sometimes I forget just how blessed I am. I have SO many things/people to be thankful for!!!

I am thankful for Sabrina. She has been my cheerleader, so to speak, she keeps me going, and is always motivating me to not give up. She also introduced me to my next person:

I am thankful for Kelsey. Kelsey has only known Gavin a short time, but she is SO good with him. She sticks with him, and doesn't give up on him. If he needs a short break, okay, fine, but she isn't going to just leave because he doesn't want to do something. Gavin needs that! 

I am thankful for my family. I know I can ALWAYS find someone to call on when times get rough, and I need a break. Oh, and I do have those days! I can't tell you how many times I have called my sister, in laws, dad and step mom in tears. "I just need a break, please. Even if it's just an hour." Or, "I am exhausted. I just need a little sleep." Someone is always there to give me that break. 

I am thankful for Courtney. Courtney and I have known each other since high school. We talked, but weren't all that close. When she heard about Gavin, she was one of the first ones to message me. She has listened to me laugh, cry, yell, and rant. She gets what I am going through, and her just "getting it" helps a TON!

I am thankful for my support groups on FB. All of them! Whether it be the autism groups, ladies group, or just a dramatic group of Mommies. (I am kidding! Calm down!!!) It's been a bumpy, rough month, but I am glad some of them could see past my faults, and show me they still care. I am thankful for the ones that love me "warts and all." Ugh. I wish I could think of who says that quote! I think its my step mom. "The right people will love you no matter what, warts and all." 

I am thankful for all the ones that have been praying for Gavin and myself. I am a firm believer in prayer, and I pray my heart out every night. To know that other people are praying for us helps me cope, and keep faith. 

I am thankful for the ones that tell me like it is. I may not like it at the time, but eventually I am going to realize, at that time in my life, I needed that. 

I am thankful for everyone that reads this hot mess of a blog. Half the time I am not even sure it makes sense, but I know a few of you keep on reading it anyway. :)

I could go on and on and on. I truly am blessed. Let's just put it this way: If you are reading this, whether you know me in real life or not, I am thankful for you. That sounded so generic and so fake. I don't want anybody butt hurt because I didn't thank them. 

As fake as that sounded, I honestly mean it. If you are reading this, then you have someway,somehow impacted my life. This blog is not a huge hit, and it hasn't went viral yet. (Yet! Who am I kidding?!? Half of you have probably already fallen asleep a few times reading this snooze fest!) Oh, whatever, you get it! I am done. Here, now everybody feels the love.



Sunday, July 27, 2014

Party, Party, Party

Yes, we had 3 parties for spoiled child Gavin. The first party was Friday night. We went out to eat, and Gavin was SO cranky. I turned on YouTube and let him watch his educational videos while we ate. Yes, we got lots of horrible looks, but I don't even care. Whatever kept him from whining the entire time. The waitress brought him a red velvet cupcake. He wanted NOTHING to do with it.



Keegan loved it though. Ha!

Saturday, family and friends went to my sister's house for a swimming party. Gavin LOVES to swim. I was actually worried he wouldn't want to get out of the pool for presents and cake. He did great though. I am SO proud of him. This is the first year, he actually opened his presents. I had to get him started, but he tore into them. His grandparents got him a little recliner. He opened all his presents while sitting in it. 








Gavin also shares his birthday with his "Uncle" Jason. They aren't related, but we are so close, they might as well be. Jason and Sabrina are two of my best friends. After the swim party, Jason, Sabrina, their two boys, Gavin, Keegan, Alan, and Neil (Alan's brother) and I went to a local pizza place. Gavin loves pizza.....normally, of course not last night though. He was so tired, he kept dozing off while he ate. He woke up FAST when they brought out his birthday cookie. 





Once he was full, it was right back to......




Needless to say, he was all partied out! He had a wonderful birthday though!



Saturday, July 26, 2014

3 years ago...

Three years ago I remember exactly what I was doing. I was pregnant with Gavin and my c-section was scheduled for August 3rd. I was SO ready to have him. As I stated in my first blog post, being pregnant with him was no easy task. Most of the time, I walked around looking like this:




It was July 26, 2011, and I had a routine OB appointment. Usually Alan goes with me, but I told him there was no reason for him to go. They were going to listen to Gavin's heartbeat, and tell me they'd see me in a week for my c-section. I get to my OB and they check my blood pressure. The nurse looks at me, and says, "Let me get someone else to check, just to make sure I'm right." The second nurse checked it and it was 168/108. Which was even higher than what the first nurse got (her reading was 156/???. I don't think I even went into a room. My OB was standing there, and said, "You're going to the hospital right now." The hospital was 45 minutes away. I am in panic mode. I called Alan, and told him I wasn't sure what was going on, but he *might* want to come just in case. By the time I get to the hospital, my blood pressure was fine. Other lab results didn't look good though. My OB asked if I wanted to go ahead and have my c section today. As I have already said, I HATED being pregnant, so of course, I was like, "OMG YES GET THIS KID OUT OF ME!" It's been three years and that decision still haunts me. I'll explain why in a bit.

At 7:00 pm I was wheeled back to the OR. Gavin was born at 7:35 pm on July 26, 2011. He came out looking like a smurf. Yes, he was blue. I asked if he was okay, and they assured me sometimes that happens. Which I still think is a lie because Keegan didn't come out blue, he was pink, almost red. His story will come in September though. Anyway....Gavin weighed 6 lbs 13 oz and was 18 1/2 inches long. He eventually cried, and I felt so relieved!


While I was being sewn up, Alan took Gavin to the nursery to bathe him, and so the nurses could check him out. I laid in recovery for about 45 minutes, then was wheeled to the room. I was so excited to hold him! Then, the nurse came in and said he desaturated (the level of oxygen in his blood dropped) and they had to "force" him to breathe. Now, desat is common in all babies, BUT most babies can fight it, and it goes back up relatively quickly. Gavin didn't know how to fight it. He couldn't make it go back up, the nurses had to help him recover. I was devastated. The nurse said it was very common in c section babies, and not to worry. Um...worrying is what I do best! She did wheel him in, and I got to hold him about 30 seconds, then he went to the NICU. I woke up the next morning, and Alan tried to prepare me for what I was about to see. Apparently he had desaturated pretty low over night (in the 50's) so they put him on oxygen.


I looked at him, and instantly started crying. He looked so pitiful. Then, his nurse came up to me and said the words I'll never forget. "This baby isn't a 38 weeker. He is only 36 weeks." My original due date was August 20th. They kept moving it up because he was measuring big. So my due date was 2 weeks off. Had I not wanted him out so badly, and just waited one more week, he would have been okay. I still, to this day, regret having him early. I trusted the doctors though. They assured me I was 38 weeks, and that Gavin was strong enough. I brought up my original due date, and they told me my dates must have been off. Plus I was just tired of being pregnant, so I said, "Just take him. Let's do this." So, as I sat there staring at this lifeless little baby, extreme guilt hits me. 

 Every time he dsats, that was 5 more days he had to stay in the NICU. He did great for 2 days, no issues. Then he had an "episode" (that is what they called it). I remember walking in the NICU thinking that we could go home in a few days. Nope. 5 more days. Leaving that hospital without him in my arms was the worst feeling ever. We stayed at a hospitality house nearby, and I visited him every 4 hours. Yes, I was even there at midnight and 4 am. I didn't sleep, couldn't eat, and I hated leaving him. It about killed me!

 We are now on day 7 in the NICU. He hadn't had any dsat issues, and I felt positive that he would come home that day. I walked in the NICU, happy, upbeat, ready to FINALLY take my baby home. Nope. The nurse was standing beside him when I walked in. As soon as I saw her face I knew something was wrong. I looked at her and said, "Oh no he desaturated again, didn't he?" No, he hadn't, but it was something much more serious. The nurse said, he is having bloody stools. We think he is bleeding internally. We are waiting on lab work. I almost lost it. Honestly, after she said this, I don't remember a lot of what happened. It's just a blur. I do remember the test results coming back, and he was NOT bleeding internally, and it was more than likely just an anal fissure. They still wanted to keep him a couple days just to make sure though. 

Finally, nine days later, Gavin got to come home! 


It's been a fun, wild, silly, emotional 3 years, but I have loved every minute of it. Gavin makes me laugh daily, and his hugs and kisses melt my heart. I am so thankful God blessed me with this amazing little boy!


Happy 3rd Birthday Gavin Brooks Foster! We love you to the moon and back.

Friday, July 25, 2014

The 3 M's: Memories, Music, McDonalds

Yesterday, my friend, Courtney, took family pics for us. I have never had family pictures taken because I absolutely HATE pictures! I sucked it up, and did it though. We needed a family picture. She also took Gavin's pictures for his 3rd birthday (which is tomorrow). I am going to be honest, I was dreading it! I felt like this:



Courtney has a son who is autistic, so Gavin did not intimidate (or frustrate) her at all. She is WONDERFUL! Gavin did a lot better than I expected. Yes, he was wild, and running around, but I *think* we got some cute pictures. No, I know we did. Have I mentioned Courtney is AMAZING?!? Seriously, she put me at ease, and just let Gavin do his thing. She worked with him, instead of trying to get him to work with her (which would have never happened). So, Courtney:



Today Gavin had his 2nd music therapy lesson. The plan was for me to wait outside, while they played music. I walked out the door and Gavin had a fit! We decided he isn't quite ready for momma to leave his side yet. :) He did better this time. He played the piano while Jan played a song. He would bang on the keys, and she would say, "Easy" and he actually listened to her!



To celebrate Gavin doing better at music therapy, I took him to McDonald's. He LOVES their chicken nuggets (imagine that ha). OH, LET ME PUT A WARNING ON THIS PARAGRAPH. I AM GOING TO SHARE TMI! STOP READING NOW IF YOU'RE EASILY DISGUSTED. KEEP READING IF YOU NEED A LAUGH. He ate all his chicken nuggets, and all his fries. How do I put this politely?There is no polite way to say it. Here:



Are you surprised? I live with 3 boys. I need to put this sign on my front door. Seriously though, I am gagging while I type this! 

Why did I post the last paragraph? I don't know. I thought it was funny, and maybe one of y'all could use a laugh today, too.






Thursday, July 24, 2014

Sometimes I hate dreams.

For about a year, I occasionally have dreams where Gavin learns to talk. They always get to me. Last night I had another dream about Gavin talking. This dream shook me a little bit. It started off as my "normal" Gavin talking dream. I would say something, and he would repeat it. Then, it turned into, out of the blue he said, "I'm hungry." In the dream, I fell to the floor crying. I was so happy he had talked! Something different happened next. I said, "Gavin, I love you." He said, "I love you." Actually he said it several times. I woke up, and felt such an intense emotion of sadness. Why? Why did I have to dream that? Out of everything I want him to say, "I love you" is the most important to me. I can't remember what his voice sounded like, but I do remember thinking (in my dream) he had the cutest little voice.

I am trying my hardest to look at the positive. Even though it was a dream, and I can't remember what he sounded like, I do remember him saying he loved me. Maybe this was God's way of telling me even though he can't say it yet, he does love you. Or maybe it was his way of saying he isn't ready to talk right now, but you will hear it one day. I just have to have faith.