Almost as whiny as a sick man

HOW does Gavin know that I feel absolutely horrible, and I just want to go to bed? I say this because it seems like EVERY time I get sick, he decides that will be the night he doesn't want to sleep. It is almost 9:30 and he is wide awake. My ears hurt. My head hurts. My throat hurts, and I have went through almost a roll of toilet paper, wiping/blowing my nose. In case you can't figure it out, I am the whiniest sick person EVER. Well, I guess I should say I am the whiniest sick WOMEN ever. Even I can't whine as much as a sick man. ;)

 

Okay, I promise, no more whining. I'm going to continue to make fun of sick men. Why? Because it makes me feel a little better. Plus, I know Alan (my husband) will read this. He'll probably be the next one in the house to get sick. When he does, I will come back to this post and make him read it again. Ha! We do love each other, I promise. This is how our relationship is. We make fun of one another to show our love. HAHA!!!

 I got mad love for you Alan. If I didn't, I wouldn't have posted all these wonderful pictures. ;)

FYI: GAVIN IS STILL AWAKE! >.<

 

*headdesk*

Pray for my sanity, please! If bedtime doesn't hurry up, this momma may be running away to the beach. Actually, that's not a bad idea.... Seriously though, Gavin is HYPER! I mean insanely hyper. I'm talking, DRIVING ME UP THE WALL HYPER. I mean, making me "twitch" hyper.

I need Morgan Freeman reading a "certain" book to Gavin right now. Calm down, I am kidding. I would never read that to him. I am just tired and frustrated. I went shopping today because I needed a "break." Guess what the boys did with daddy? NAPPED! They took a freaking NAP! REALLY?!? They have been whiny and hyper for me, and the second I leave, they both calm down and nap...AT THE SAME TIME!

Just typing this out has made me feel better. Or maybe it's the fact that Gavin is now cuddling beside me instead of jumping on the couch, running around the room, skipping around the room, jumping up and down, and practicing his gymnastics.

Even though today has been chaotic, I wouldn't change it for the world. At the end of the day, I know it will eventually calm down, and I will be able to breathe. Well, not at this very second...because as I  am typing this, Keegan begins laughing, he is suppose to be sleeping.....

 

Like I said, I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, it gets stressful, but the good outweighs the bad, even on the roughest days. My children are my world, and I am truly blessed. 

 

Gavin's 1st full week of school

Gavin goes to school every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Today, he completed his first full week. I couldn't be more proud.

 

 Music class

 

Today he actually stayed in his center, AND played! Usually he runs around the room like a wild man! I was shocked to see this picture!!! I am SO SO SO proud of him!

Not only did he complete his first week of school, he also rode the bus (for the first time ever). I was a little nervous about how he would react to being on a bus with people he didn't know. He LOVES it! 

 

 

The past couple of weeks have been hectic, but Gavin has been a trooper. He has OT (with Kelsey, at our house) every Wednesday and Friday. He has music therapy every Thursday with Mrs. Lowery. He goes to school 3 days a week (where he gets OT and speech.) He has an OT (occupational therapy) and ST (speech therapy) evaluation two days next week. After his evaluations, he'll start going to ST and OT outside the house and school, also. Yes, I know that's a lot, but I am going to do all I can to help him. I have been blessed with all this help, and I am not going to waste it!  I am also going to get him started on ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) in the near future.

 Busy, busy, busy! Like I said, I will do ANYTHING to help Gavin. With that being said, though, if I see it's too much for him to handle we will chill a little. Honestly though, he is such a laid back child (most of the time), nothing really phases him. He just goes with the flow.

I can breathe a little easier knowing he is going to be okay with all the newness going on in his life. Will he have rough days? Absolutely! We all do! All we can do is take it one day at a time. :)

Could the oils actually be working?!?

$500 says I just jinxed myself. Anyone want to bet Gavin wakes up wired in the morning? HA!

Seriously though, I have had several people comment on how Gavin seemed to be more mellow the past few days. We've been doing the essential oils for about 2 weeks now. He gets "Calming" oil and "Brain" oil during the day, and "Calming" and "Lavender" at night. He is also still taking the vitamins (B6 and Magnesium). I was giving him both pills at breakfast, but, DUH, magnesium helps with sleep. Now, he gets it before bed. Honestly, I don't know if it's the oils, vitamins, both, or just a coincidence, but he has been more chilled out though. He DOES have his moments, I mean, come on, he is three! His moments use to be all day long, non stop though.

Kelsey, his OT came by yesterday, and he made eye contact with her for a very long time (minutes). This is HUGE for Gavin! Normally, people get a glance, and that is it! We are SO very thankful for Kelsey. She is AMAZING, and Gavin just loves her. It's hard for Gavin to really connect with someone he just met. He took to her almost instantly though! Just when we thought Gavin couldn't love her anymore than he already did, THIS happened:

He was in fruit loop heaven!

Kelsey put sensory toys in with some fruit loops, and he just went wild (as you can tell). He had so much fun with this. 

Then Aunt Brina brought by some cookies.....she loaded my kids with sugar....THEN LEFT! 

Of course, he was hyper for a while, but quickly calmed down. Honestly, I was shocked! I was expecting him to be up for a while. He was fine, Keegan, on the other hand....stayed up 2 HOURS past his bedtime! Thanks Sabrina! LOL It's all good. It's rare getting to spend time with JUST Keegan. It was a nice treat.

Gavin's 1st day of school!

Gavin started school today, and to say I was nervous would be an understatement. My "baby" who JUST turned 3, was all the way across town, at an actual school. Now, I will say this, I AM BLESSED! 1. My best friend is one of the teachers in his room. 2. I use to work at that school so I know a lot of the teachers, and I know they will take good care of him, and keep me updated. I was still terrified though!

You see, Gavin attended daycare last year. He did good for a while, then his teacher left, and it went down hill after that. He was called a "nightmare" and I was told they didn't have the means to deal with a "child like Gavin." I'll be the first to admit, Gavin is a handful! Nightmare? Absolutely not! Hard to handle? Sometimes, but had they had enough staff, I think things would have been better. That's a whole different story, and I am not here to bash people. Anyway, my concern was that I would/will be told the same things at school. I know I won't, but daycare pretty much scarred me for life. Will he have bad days? Oh, I guarantee it, but I know that his teachers won't give up on him.

He had a good day!!!

 

This afternoon he also had music therapy. The goal last week was for me to drop him off, and go wait on him outside. That didn't happen! He wasn't having it. This week, he walked right into Ms. Jan's house, and I slowly turned around and walked away. I walked VERY slowly, because, I honestly thought he would pitch a fit when he realized I wasn't there. He didn't! I sat in my car, and I kept waiting on the door to open, and Jan tell me I needed to come in the house. That didn't happen either! 30 minutes later, they both walked out of the house. He did an AWESOME job! He danced, played a little music, and listened to his teacher. This is HUGE for Gavin! Usually he just walks around carrying things, and doesn't want to actually dance or make music. I was ecstatic! Jan and I both just bragged and bragged about how proud we were of him. I am VERY proud of my sweet Gavin. He is so lucky to have wonderful people in his life that want to help him. He isn't the only lucky one though. I am extremely lucky to have these people in my life, too. We are blessed!

Selfish

This post has nothing to do with autism. I am being selfish tonight and I am going to talk about myself. I joke and say I am going through an early mid life crisis (maybe I am, who knows).

 I feel like I am Bridgette, the mom. I have lost my character, who I really am in life. Yes, I am a mom, but I am so much more than that. I feel like I am stuck in a mommy rut, and I don't like it. I LOVE being a mom, don't get me wrong, but I am more than that. Since Gavin's diagnosis, I have spent all my time working with him, and I have forgotten about myself. Which was fine at first. He is my baby, and he needs me.

 I don't know who I am anymore. What happened to the fun, crazy Bridgette? That Bridgette disappeared three years ago when I had Gavin. It was my job, as a mom, to stop thinking about myself, and care for my boys. Yes, that is my job, and I still do it. Some days I fail miserably at it, but I try my best. I had put so much time into Gavin and Keegan, I had forgotten that I have to care for myself too. (I warned you this post was going to be selfish, sorry).

I can't say that I have sat at home for three years and done nothing. That isn't true. I hung out with friends, acted crazy, been silly, but in mom mode. You see, even when I went out, I didn't take the time to actually try and look good. I did the mom thing, yoga pants, t shirt, no make up, and my oily hair pulled back. Not to mention, I have lost 75lbs, so not only did I have the mom look down pat, my clothes were HUGE on me. So I looked frumpy and saggy. I was a hot mess!

I woke up Saturday morning, and it was just a normal day. I was feeling a little down, but nothing major. So I decided to take the boys shopping. It was tax free weekend. I will NEVER go anywhere with my children during tax free weekend EVER again. It was a nightmare. I am walking through stores (baggy yoga pants, t-shirt 3 sizes too big, oily hair, no makeup) and both boys are having a fit. We just left. I had reached my breaking point. The point of no return. I walked in the house, tears pouring down my face. I walked in the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. Then it hit me, I have put everyone before myself, and it was really starting to tear me down.

I tossed Alan the boys (not really) and I said, "I am tired of looking like a mother 24/7. I am going shopping." I bought a complete outfit (dress, shoes, necklace, bracelet, earrings and a purse). Then I went out with a friend that night, and had a blast.

Yes, it is okay to have the mom look. Apparently I have it perfected. Yes, a good mom puts her children first, BUT she also takes time for herself, too. It's a balancing act. I have to learn how to be both a mom, and continue to be Bridgette.

I was/am a little hesitant to even post this. I hope it didn't come off as "I am giving up on my kids, and I want it to be all about me." That is NOT what I meant by anything I wrote. I have to figure out how to be a good mom AND feel good about myself.

Early morning (sleepy mommy) rant

I try and keep this blog pretty positive, but it is currently 3:35 am and all positive thought have been gone for a few hours now.

 I am exhausted and frustrated. Gavin went to bed at 9 pm, and woke up at 1:30 am. He is still awake....

I am very frustrated, but not at Gavin. I am angry with his pediatrician. I mentioned in my last post that I was trying to find a new one. Reason number 1 being because of this. I mentioned to him that Gavin has nights where he doesn't sleep, or he doesn't stay asleep. His response, "Welcome to Autism. Unfortunately, that is part of it, and nothing can be done. He is just a high maintenance kid. You'll get use to it." REALLY?!? Yes, I will definitely get use to only sleeping 2 hours a night. I will also get use to working full time (school starts back next week), taking care of two kids, cleaning, laundry, ect on TWO HOURS OF SLEEP!

Don't get me wrong. I know that a lot of autism children don't sleep, and sometimes nothing can be done, BUT to offer me ZERO help or suggestions....Ugh! Okay, rant over. Thanks for enduring my "exhausted momma, momma bear claws coming out" vent session.

Now, that I have depressed you by reading this, I'll be positive.

1. I still have PLENTY of people in my life (and Gavin's) that don't have the "accept it, get over it" attitude. They are willing to do anything to help Gavin.

2. I'm getting Gavin cuddles. Even if it is 4 am, I'll never turn down his snuggles.

3. He is being calm. Usually when we have late nights, he gets easily frustrated and whines a LOT. I wouldn't call it a meltdown, he just fights sleep and gets cranky because he is exhausted, too. He did whine a bit at first, but has been quiet and calm for the most part. Maybe this oil is working....

4. He just passed gas on me, and it didn't stink. I wish I was kidding. Sleepy mommy = delirious mommy

5. Yesterday he put his shorts on all by himself, correctly. He is good at undressing himself. I joke and say he is going to be a Chippendale when he grows up.

He struggles dressing himself though. I threw his shorts on the floor, and turned around to get Keegan dressed first. I happened to glance over at him, and he had put them on by himself!

I could go on and on. The positive definitely outweighs the negative. Everyone needs to vent sometimes though.

I have vented, and I feel better. Now it's time to: