Monday, August 4, 2014


This post has nothing to do with autism. I am being selfish tonight and I am going to talk about myself. I joke and say I am going through an early mid life crisis (maybe I am, who knows).

 I feel like I am Bridgette, the mom. I have lost my character, who I really am in life. Yes, I am a mom, but I am so much more than that. I feel like I am stuck in a mommy rut, and I don't like it. I LOVE being a mom, don't get me wrong, but I am more than that. Since Gavin's diagnosis, I have spent all my time working with him, and I have forgotten about myself. Which was fine at first. He is my baby, and he needs me.

 I don't know who I am anymore. What happened to the fun, crazy Bridgette? That Bridgette disappeared three years ago when I had Gavin. It was my job, as a mom, to stop thinking about myself, and care for my boys. Yes, that is my job, and I still do it. Some days I fail miserably at it, but I try my best. I had put so much time into Gavin and Keegan, I had forgotten that I have to care for myself too. (I warned you this post was going to be selfish, sorry).

I can't say that I have sat at home for three years and done nothing. That isn't true. I hung out with friends, acted crazy, been silly, but in mom mode. You see, even when I went out, I didn't take the time to actually try and look good. I did the mom thing, yoga pants, t shirt, no make up, and my oily hair pulled back. Not to mention, I have lost 75lbs, so not only did I have the mom look down pat, my clothes were HUGE on me. So I looked frumpy and saggy. I was a hot mess!

I woke up Saturday morning, and it was just a normal day. I was feeling a little down, but nothing major. So I decided to take the boys shopping. It was tax free weekend. I will NEVER go anywhere with my children during tax free weekend EVER again. It was a nightmare. I am walking through stores (baggy yoga pants, t-shirt 3 sizes too big, oily hair, no makeup) and both boys are having a fit. We just left. I had reached my breaking point. The point of no return. I walked in the house, tears pouring down my face. I walked in the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. Then it hit me, I have put everyone before myself, and it was really starting to tear me down.

I tossed Alan the boys (not really) and I said, "I am tired of looking like a mother 24/7. I am going shopping." I bought a complete outfit (dress, shoes, necklace, bracelet, earrings and a purse). Then I went out with a friend that night, and had a blast.

Yes, it is okay to have the mom look. Apparently I have it perfected. Yes, a good mom puts her children first, BUT she also takes time for herself, too. It's a balancing act. I have to learn how to be both a mom, and continue to be Bridgette.

I was/am a little hesitant to even post this. I hope it didn't come off as "I am giving up on my kids, and I want it to be all about me." That is NOT what I meant by anything I wrote. I have to figure out how to be a good mom AND feel good about myself.


  1. I knew exactly what u meant so glad u took time for you and got fixed up. 5 years and I still haven't. It is time girl.

  2. Hi Bridgette, I think all mom's go through the same thing and as the kids get older, we realize that you matter too. There is nothing selfish about it. It's about realizing that you will always be "mommy" but you can be mommy while looking good too. :) It just takes time to get to that point. Glad you had a great night out with your friend. Have a great day!