Sunday, September 21, 2014

September 21-22, 1996

If you haven't read my last post, you might want to start there first.

I get pretty detailed in this post. If you are easily bothered, you might not want to read. 

I had just told mom goodnight, and I soon went to bed myself. My dad came home around 2:00 am (I think, once again another fuzzy part). Around 4 am (maybe...) I awoke to dad yelling, "Linda! Linda! Hey!" I ran to their bedroom door, and just stood there. I was afraid to go inside. Then my dad came running out. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Something is wrong with mom." I ran in the bedroom. She was laying in bed, her eyes partly open, and her head looked swollen. I yelled, and then took off running.

My sister lived next door. I ran to her house and just started banging on the house, screaming, "Tracy, get up!" It took her a while to hear me. Finally she came running outside, and I told her something was wrong with mom. By the time we got back to the house, the ambulance was there and they were loading her into the back. I don't remember much after that, but it is weird how small things (18 years later) still stick out in my mind. I remember seeing the lines in the carpet where they had rolled the gurney to her bedroom. That imagine haunts me still.

The next 18 hours or so is a blur. I think I have blocked it out because it was so painful. I will talk about what I remember though. I remember arriving at the hospital (I don't remember how, but I remember walking in the doors). My other sister, Shelley, was in Gulf Shores and I remember someone saying, "Shelley is on her way." I don't know how long we were there before we knew anything. It might have been a short time, maybe hours. The only other thing I remember are the words "possible brain aneurysm, transferring her to another hospital."

I *think* I spent the night with my friend that night. I honestly don't remember. I don't remember anything else until the next morning. I walked into her ICU room, and instantly walked right back out. Seeing someone you love, lifeless, is hard at any age, but at 14, it was terrifying. She appeared to be having seizures. I am not sure what was going on (the nurses told me, I just don't remember). All I know is that her entire body was shaking. I refused to go back there anymore. Finally, my sisters assured me the shaking had stopped, and she looked like she was just sleeping.....with lots of tubes. I walked in there again, and instantly thought about our conversation, in the car, a few months ago. The words, "let me go" kept echoing in my mind.

The doctor confirmed she had an aneurysm and it was in a part of her brain that couldn't be operated on. No hope was given. I didn't give up though. I went in there as often as possible, I talked to her, played with her hair, told her to fight. I was young and naive, I guess.

September 21 and 22nd were just the same things being said, just different days.

"Doesn't look good."
"She'll be a vegetable"
"No change"

I remember going into the bathroom, on that nasty floor, and falling to my knees, praying my heart out to God. "Please don't take her. I am only 14! This isn't fair!!! Why are you doing this to our family?" Then sometimes I would pray, "Please, Please, Please don't take her. I love her so much. She is my best friend. I need her! She has to see me graduate high school and college, watch me walk down the aisle, start a family of my own."  Other times, I simply just prayed, "Please, please, please!"

I stopped eating and drinking. My sister tried to force breakfast down me, and I spit it back out. I lost a total of 30 lbs in 72 hours. Don't ask me how, I didn't think that was possible, but I remember what I weighed before all this happened and when I weighed on the 23rd, I was 30 lbs lighter. 

September 23, 1996.......

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